Author: Humans of Kuala Lumpur

“Spend your time with your family. Appreciate every moment you have with them. They are already happy when you’re able to be patient with them.

I want to study Business. That is something I personally enjoy, and I want to be able to help my father in his business as well.

My father has an air-conditioning business, where his business helps in servicing the big industrial air-conditioners you see in shopping malls. I want to be able to contribute towards making my father’s more IT-friendly and forward, as it is still quite traditional right now.

This is something I want to do, not what my parents wanted me to do. My parents were always very supportive, and they gave me the freedom to chase my dreams. They allowed me to choose what I liked, as long as I work hard for it. I hope all youngsters remember to chase their dreams bravely!

I enjoy every moment I get to spend with my dad. He’s actually quite old now, he’s about 70 years old. My dad married late and this is actually his 2nd marriage, so I have an older brother and older sister.

Having a parent who is older makes me become more mature. I feel there is a greater responsibility for me to take care of my family. I’m thankful that he’s still healthy despite his age, and I hope he is able to stay longer with us.

My dad used to be able to run around, and he loves travelling. But now he doesn’t travel as much, as his legs are not as strong as before. I decided to take a different approach to see the situation: despite being not as strong as before, I choose to appreciate any and every moment I have with him.

My dream is to be able to use my first paycheck to take my parents travelling overseas. My dad has visited many places before, but I think I would like to bring him back to visit my hometown, China.

My grandfather and his ancestors used to be in China, so I think it’ll be nice to visit. I was told that my grandfather actually went through the Second World War. He was quite well-to-do at the time, so he ended up providing shelter for everyone in the village!”

– Humans of Kuala Lumpur

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“New beginnings, new life. I got divorced about a year ago. Now I’m living my life as a minimalist.

It was a real journey for me. I tried to fix things with my ex-husband, but it didn’t work out, so I left him. However, I am more mature, confident and more stable in my life now. In fact, I’m living a better life than I was in my 20s.

I used to be quite shy, but I think my attitude has changed. I thought that life is too short, and you only live once. YOLO kind of thing. I developed this attitude after my divorce.

I guess as someone who went through a divorce, I hope married couples should consider divorce as a last resort. Make sure you have a solid reason before ending it, otherwise don’t simply talk about it. Don’t be like, “Ugh, I’m so angry. I want to divorce him”. I didn’t take it lightly even when my friends encouraged me (to divorce). I hope people would consider counselling or therapy.

Plus, I think couples should have a clear balance in their boundaries. It could be about anything, emotionally and whatnot. Make sure both parties know each other’s boundaries. It’s so important to have that, otherwise, you’ll have to start over with them. And of course, I believe love is not a feeling, but it is a choice. Yes, there are days when you may not like your spouse or partner, but if you choose to love them, you’ll stick with them.

So, I started my minimalist journey while I was still married. I decluttered around the house and my ex-husband enjoyed it back then. But minimalism has really helped me in terms of moving out of his space. I find it easier now that I have fewer things to bring if I must move out.

I founded a minimalist group in 2018, alongside with two other minimalist ladies. There weren’t any active minimalist group and we wanted to have an active space where we can share advice and tips with each other. Basically, help one another grow in our journey as a minimalist.

But people think that minimalism is scary. They cannot bear to let go of things they own. But truthfully, the things you own will end up owning you. You have so many things in your life, but you don’t have the time to enjoy it. Why? It’s just taking up your space physically, mentally and emotionally.

Yes, it’s hard in the beginning if you want to declutter. I’m happy to say I managed to help my friends and family to declutter as well after they’ve seen me gone through some positive changes in my life. Minimalism really does bring freedom in life for you.

And as a minimalist, after the divorce, I can say that I’ve lost 80kg (referring to the ex-husband) out of my life!

– Humans of Kuala Lumpur

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“I was distraught because my mother was sick. After all, you only have one mother, right? But the consequence of heading back to Malaysia in the middle of exams meant I won’t be able to graduate this year.

The final exams were coming up in May. I was in the UK, studying for my final year. I thought, “Will I be able to make it until the exam ends? Should I fly back to Malaysia if anything happened to her?”

I was in the middle of sitting for a paper when I got the news that my mother was admitted to the emergency department. I called and asked my father if I should go back right there and then, but all he said was, “Don’t worry about Mom, we can handle it”.

After the exams, I flew back to Malaysia. That’s when we found out she has a Stage 5 kidney failure. It was so sudden, and I wondered how long could she live? She may continue to live for another 5 years if she receives dialysis treatment.
Otherwise, she would only have a few months to live.

Moreover, I didn’t have the heart to leave my mother who was in a coma. I didn’t have the money and I feared I would end up photoshopping myself for my graduation photos.

It was on 9th July when I received the news that my mother woke up from her coma. In the end, I managed to attend my graduation. But even then, my father gave me his money to attend the event, so he couldn’t accompany me.

I received Second Upper results. I wasn’t sure I could finish the exams, but I am grateful that I did. My friends knew about my mother, but they didn’t know she was admitted to the hospital almost weekly.

For two months, I stayed by her side in the hospital. I took care of her and I slept there. It was terrifying when you know a hospital is a place where you’ll be informed, ‘this loved one has passed’.

But we supported and gave words of encouragement to one another. We accepted the fact that someone we love is sick and we are willing to sacrifice for them.

Currently, I am working in a government-limited company in Kuala Lumpur. I’m working there because I want to give back to JPA, as I was the JPA scholar since 2014. I’m thankful to JPA because they helped to change my date of flight ticket to come home to see my mother.

To all my friends or anyone struggling with having a sick family member or any other difficulties right now, do not worry. You are not alone. If you reach out, there are a lot of people out there who want to help you. Do not keep it all to yourself. ”

– Humans of Kuala Lumpur

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“The Chinese (in China) are very philosophical. They would always talk to the younger generation about the future, what China could be. They looked at objectives.

We, Malaysians, on the other hand, we don’t have objectives. But that, we cannot blame. China was the only country that developed interests in technological development. When they had the open-door policy, the Chinese who went out of the country came back and brought new technology with them. When we talk about 5G communication, they already have 7G.

They are about 20 years more advanced than everyone else. This happened because they are philosophical themselves. They don’t change their policies but rather, they have a planner in place. A planner to monitor what is being decided in the plan. Even earlier in our country, every time we changed our leader, we changed the system. That’s because we don’t have a planner.

Historically, when the British brought the Chinese people as labourers, they had to do all sorts of job. They Chinese don’t tell you about the hard life. Most of the Chinese who were taken out of China came from the South. They spoke Cantonese, Hakka and Hokkien. But after the British left, everything was a mess in Malaya. But back then, we didn’t know how to plan for our country.

One way we can learn this, though, is from one of the hadith. The hadith of ‘belajarlah kamu hingga ke Tanah Cina’ (literally: learn until you reach China, meaning seek knowledge until the ends of the Earth). China put everything on a balance. It’s not easy, but they went on and persevered”.

– Humans of Kuala Lumpur

“I started from zero. I was blind, deaf and mute because I didn’t understand the language. It took me six months to understand Mandarin.

I was the first Malay who studied in three different universities in China. I went to the People’s University of China, China Foreign Studies University and China Culture and Language University.

I studied my postgraduate degree in Modern China, I had a Master in China Studies and I was in the Scholar Program in China Economy from 1989 to 1993.

There were 30 students in my class, but none of us could communicate in a common language. Instead, we mixed around.

My Russian friends didn’t speak English to me, and I didn’t speak Russian to them. However, we spoke in Chinese.

When you speak the language and the communication exists, then you are just like the locals there. It was exposure for me.
We were treated like guests there. As a student, you are one of the locals.

So, every weekend, we had to go to a reforestation program. We even planted trees along the Great Wall. I guess we were very involved in the Chinese community. And then we would harvest crops from the farms and bring back to our university.

Thankfully, I didn’t face many difficulties back then. Although we were given coupons and were able to buy food at a discounted government price, there weren’t any good facilities in the universities. There weren’t any good chairs or table, and the light was very dim.

Most of the times, I had to use the bicycle to go back and forth to my university, which took 30 KM for a one-way trip. Usually, my class finishes at 2 pm, but I’d stay until it was dark, around 6.30 pm.

The landmarks during the day and night looked completely different. I was used to going out at 6 in the morning, that’s why I knew the way well when my surroundings are dark.

But imagine cycling during winter, at -5 or -10 degree Celsius. It was tough, but I got used to it.

So, if you want to study in a new country, you must learn its language. If you want to study in China, then you must study Chinese. As we learn more languages, we become open to those around us. You can learn any language, but you must take the initiative to learn”.

– Humans of Kuala Lumpur

“I remembered I got to use my ‘nursing’ skills last Raya. I received a call from my father asking me to come over to my uncle’s place. He told me his fingers were bleeding after he played some fireworks. I said, “Okay”. Luckily, we all lived in the same kampung (village) so my father went to pick me up. I brought my first aid kit to treat him. It wasn’t as bad so I could do it and he didn’t need to go to the hospital.

I’m currently a second-year student in a nursing school in Brunei.

We were told to have empathy and to not get too attached to our patients. When patients pass away, we had to maintain our professionalism. And this reminded me of a patient. She’s around my grandmother’s age, she’s old. When we went to our hospital ward for the first time, we saw how she was smiling all the time.

Whenever she asked for new clothes and new bedsheets, or ask someone to accompany her to the toilet, she would always ask for us, the students. It was as if the staff nurses weren’t there for her because she favours the students more than the staff. So, that’s what we really liked about her. And on our final day of our nursing attachment, we get to salam (bid goodbye) to her.

There’s this one time when I was in the male ward. There was a wife who’s taking care of the husband. However, the husband’s doctor was female. So, the wife went up to the counter and asked who that doctor was. She was jealous. But I didn’t know what happened afterwards.

One unique thing about nurses in Brunei is that we do almost every job there. Except for the doctors’ work. For example, in other countries, nurses don’t draw blood from patients. There’s a special team that does just that. Whereas in Brunei we have to do that as well. We do everything because we’re quite understaffed.

But as nurses, we typically work 7-8 hours in the ward. So yeah, we have to know our patients and communication is really, really important in nursing. For me, taking care of elders is easier. I’m not really good with children.

I hope next year (2020), I could improve my results. And I always remember what my seniors advised me that burnout is inevitable in nursing. We need to have a lot of patience in what we’re doing, especially balancing our work with the patients and our assignments.”

– Humans of Kuala Lumpur

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Photostory by Elly Zulaikha
Edited by Mushamir Mustafa

 

“My boyfriend passed away after a night going out partying, and I was the only one considered his closest family contact at that point in time – and all his belongings were given to me, and I had to be the one organizing and relaying information, despite being in shock myself. And him being Muslim, he had to be buried within 24 hours. And not 4 months later, my best friend at university committed suicide.

So yes, I’m done with love for now.

My late boyfriend and I dated for 4 years. I really loved him and of course, there were a lot of ups and downs. I don’t approve of his lifestyle, which was excessive partying, because one day I knew that was going to cause a lot of trouble for us.

How it happened was one day, he went out with his friends.

Some were my friends as well. But I didn’t join them that day.

Around 3 or 4 in the morning, I texted them and they were on their way back. I thought everything was okay. But then, after I woke up in the morning, I texted them again saying “Yo, are you guys back?”.

No one replied to me. I called my boyfriend, and he didn’t as well. So, I started spamming in the group chat. “Didn’t you guys go out yesterday? What’s happening? Why is everyone ignoring me?”

Then I got a call from the police station. They asked who I was and asked if his family (my boyfriend) is here. But I told them I’m the only one closest to him here. Later, they told me to come to Hospital Kuala Lumpur (HKL). I didn’t think much like ‘Oh, maybe they got into a car accident and broke a leg or something. But this early in the morning?’

So, I texted my friend and I was going to be picked up. Then, I called the previous number again asking, ‘Where in HKL?’ and then they told me to come to the forensic room. My world shattered. After we arrived there, and it was confirmed that my boyfriend died.

I screamed and sat there crying. It was one of my most embarrassing, tearful moments in my life. The forensics person gave me all his belongings and then I had to call his parents. His mom gave me contacts for his aunt and other relatives. He’s a Muslim, so they had to bury them on the same day, and I had to organise everything while I was crying there. Later everyone bombarded me with questions like, “What happened?” but I was still in shock and feeling lost.

The cause of his accident was due to his friend, who was drunk driving and ended up hitting a stationary lorry. I think the car flipped. But the thing is, his friend didn’t get charged. He even went on and finished his studies in the US. The police? They said there wasn’t enough evidence, so the case was closed. I felt the world was unfair so that’s why I got into International Relations.

There’s always a slight regret in me because I still feel so sad. I always told his mom like, ‘Oh, don’t worry, I’ll look after him’. I blamed myself. I felt like maybe I could’ve prevented it. So, I told my mom about this while I was crying. But my mom told me “It’s nasib” (it’s fate). Even us, Chinese, we believe in this as well. If it’s meant to be, your life can be this short.

This was three years ago. It is sad, yes but I told myself don’t let my life tragedy stop me because the world will never stop for you”.

(Part 02/02)

– Humans of Kuala Lumpur

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“My dad sees me as an investment. He wanted me to write a proposal about how much I’ll be spending for my degree and how many years I must pay him back for it. I screamed at him saying, “I’m not your investment and I’m not your shares!”. Then both of us got really upset.

So eventually, my mom paid for me because things were complicated. My parents got into a divorce eventually.

My dad used to be a very humble and hard-working man. They used to start a small business together. He was once in the “rags to riches” situation. But obviously money and business became his world so all my siblings, including myself, grew up in that environment. If it doesn’t earn money for the family, then why are you doing it? That has become the motto for them.

So, one day, he got into politics. He started treating us as if we didn’t exist anymore. He even got a position like a Dato’ or something so his ego grew even bigger.

Now, I don’t talk to my dad anymore. I have always hated him because he left us to China when I was 3 years old. He has his own business there. But last year he got into a coma. My mom had to support everything by herself. So, I thought, ‘If you didn’t want a family, why did you start one?’. I kind of hate him now but what can say? I know I shouldn’t hate my own father.

Last year, though, he got into a coma. His heartbeat stopped for like 2 minutes and then I started crying for him. It took me by surprise because I didn’t expect myself to have so much emotion for someone I haven’t seen in a long time. I can’t even call him papa or something like that. I still feel awkward if I meet him now.

But if I could change one thing about my childhood, I wish my family didn’t have a lot of money. I wish my dad never left Malaysia. I mean, yes, I appreciate all the privileges I had but maybe if he didn’t become rich, we would still be a happy family. And he wouldn’t become like this.

As for me, if I were to start a family someday, I’ll make sure I am capable of being with my family. I want to make sure I give them the life they deserve, the support, encouragement. Like being a complete family. Because to me, while divorce has become the norm, it does affect the children.

Now I think I hate money. These things happened to my family because of money. They got angry all the time, like if they don’t get money, it’s the end of the world for them”.

– Humans of Kuala Lumpur

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Photostory by Mushamir Mustafa