Month: January 2020

“I was the first Malay who studied in three different universities in China.”

“I started from zero. I was blind, deaf and mute because I didn’t understand the language. It took me six months to understand Mandarin.

I was the first Malay who studied in three different universities in China. I went to the People’s University of China, China Foreign Studies University and China Culture and Language University.

I studied my postgraduate degree in Modern China, I had a Master in China Studies and I was in the Scholar Program in China Economy from 1989 to 1993.

There were 30 students in my class, but none of us could communicate in a common language. Instead, we mixed around.

My Russian friends didn’t speak English to me, and I didn’t speak Russian to them. However, we spoke in Chinese.

When you speak the language and the communication exists, then you are just like the locals there. It was exposure for me.
We were treated like guests there. As a student, you are one of the locals.

So, every weekend, we had to go to a reforestation program. We even planted trees along the Great Wall. I guess we were very involved in the Chinese community. And then we would harvest crops from the farms and bring back to our university.

Thankfully, I didn’t face many difficulties back then. Although we were given coupons and were able to buy food at a discounted government price, there weren’t any good facilities in the universities. There weren’t any good chairs or table, and the light was very dim.

Most of the times, I had to use the bicycle to go back and forth to my university, which took 30 KM for a one-way trip. Usually, my class finishes at 2 pm, but I’d stay until it was dark, around 6.30 pm.

The landmarks during the day and night looked completely different. I was used to going out at 6 in the morning, that’s why I knew the way well when my surroundings are dark.

But imagine cycling during winter, at -5 or -10 degree Celsius. It was tough, but I got used to it.

So, if you want to study in a new country, you must learn its language. If you want to study in China, then you must study Chinese. As we learn more languages, we become open to those around us. You can learn any language, but you must take the initiative to learn”.

– Humans of Kuala Lumpur

“I think people who study Geography and Environment are much needed for the army.”

“I’m going to study a degree in Geography, Environment and Development. I think there are still some misconceptions about studying Geography and Environment as a degree. People kept assuming it’s just about weather and clouds.

I’ve worked hard for my A-Levels. It was fulfilling. But A-Levels in Brunei is crazy. I studied psychology, sociology, and geography. There were breakdowns every now and then at the time. I think people who study Geography and Environment are much needed for the army.

But people don’t really know much about geography. We study farming, how society works and development planning. And I always say, “Yeah, we do have more geography studies that focus on development and stuff”.

People keep asking me, “You study about the weather, don’t you?” And I was like, “No, there’s more to it than the weather”.

Kids when they are young, they have different dreams of what they want to be when they grow up. Some want to become a scientist or police officer. As for my ambition, I want to join the army as a geologist in the Engineering Corps. The ambition stayed with me until now. I’m grateful my parents were supportive of it. They didn’t mind it.”

– Humans of Kuala Lumpur

“We were told to have empathy and to not get too attached to our patients.”

“I remembered I got to use my ‘nursing’ skills last Raya. I received a call from my father asking me to come over to my uncle’s place. He told me his fingers were bleeding after he played some fireworks. I said, “Okay”. Luckily, we all lived in the same kampung (village) so my father went to pick me up. I brought my first aid kit to treat him. It wasn’t as bad so I could do it and he didn’t need to go to the hospital.

I’m currently a second-year student in a nursing school in Brunei.

We were told to have empathy and to not get too attached to our patients. When patients pass away, we had to maintain our professionalism. And this reminded me of a patient. She’s around my grandmother’s age, she’s old. When we went to our hospital ward for the first time, we saw how she was smiling all the time.

Whenever she asked for new clothes and new bedsheets, or ask someone to accompany her to the toilet, she would always ask for us, the students. It was as if the staff nurses weren’t there for her because she favours the students more than the staff. So, that’s what we really liked about her. And on our final day of our nursing attachment, we get to salam (bid goodbye) to her.

There’s this one time when I was in the male ward. There was a wife who’s taking care of the husband. However, the husband’s doctor was female. So, the wife went up to the counter and asked who that doctor was. She was jealous. But I didn’t know what happened afterwards.

One unique thing about nurses in Brunei is that we do almost every job there. Except for the doctors’ work. For example, in other countries, nurses don’t draw blood from patients. There’s a special team that does just that. Whereas in Brunei we have to do that as well. We do everything because we’re quite understaffed.

But as nurses, we typically work 7-8 hours in the ward. So yeah, we have to know our patients and communication is really, really important in nursing. For me, taking care of elders is easier. I’m not really good with children.

I hope next year (2020), I could improve my results. And I always remember what my seniors advised me that burnout is inevitable in nursing. We need to have a lot of patience in what we’re doing, especially balancing our work with the patients and our assignments.”

– Humans of Kuala Lumpur

Photostory by Elly Zulaikha
Edited by Mushamir Mustafa

“My world shattered”

“My boyfriend passed away after a night going out partying, and I was the only one considered his closest family contact at that point in time – and all his belongings were given to me, and I had to be the one organizing and relaying information, despite being in shock myself. And him being Muslim, he had to be buried within 24 hours. And not 4 months later, my best friend at university committed suicide.

So yes, I’m done with love for now.

My late boyfriend and I dated for 4 years. I really loved him and of course, there were a lot of ups and downs. I don’t approve of his lifestyle, which was excessive partying, because one day I knew that was going to cause a lot of trouble for us.

How it happened was one day, he went out with his friends.

Some were my friends as well. But I didn’t join them that day.

Around 3 or 4 in the morning, I texted them and they were on their way back. I thought everything was okay. But then, after I woke up in the morning, I texted them again saying “Yo, are you guys back?”.

No one replied to me. I called my boyfriend, and he didn’t as well. So, I started spamming in the group chat. “Didn’t you guys go out yesterday? What’s happening? Why is everyone ignoring me?”

Then I got a call from the police station. They asked who I was and asked if his family (my boyfriend) is here. But I told them I’m the only one closest to him here. Later, they told me to come to Hospital Kuala Lumpur (HKL). I didn’t think much like ‘Oh, maybe they got into a car accident and broke a leg or something. But this early in the morning?’

So, I texted my friend and I was going to be picked up. Then, I called the previous number again asking, ‘Where in HKL?’ and then they told me to come to the forensic room. My world shattered. After we arrived there, and it was confirmed that my boyfriend died.

I screamed and sat there crying. It was one of my most embarrassing, tearful moments in my life. The forensics person gave me all his belongings and then I had to call his parents. His mom gave me contacts for his aunt and other relatives. He’s a Muslim, so they had to bury them on the same day, and I had to organise everything while I was crying there. Later everyone bombarded me with questions like, “What happened?” but I was still in shock and feeling lost.

The cause of his accident was due to his friend, who was drunk driving and ended up hitting a stationary lorry. I think the car flipped. But the thing is, his friend didn’t get charged. He even went on and finished his studies in the US. The police? They said there wasn’t enough evidence, so the case was closed. I felt the world was unfair so that’s why I got into International Relations.

There’s always a slight regret in me because I still feel so sad. I always told his mom like, ‘Oh, don’t worry, I’ll look after him’. I blamed myself. I felt like maybe I could’ve prevented it. So, I told my mom about this while I was crying. But my mom told me “It’s nasib” (it’s fate). Even us, Chinese, we believe in this as well. If it’s meant to be, your life can be this short.

This was three years ago. It is sad, yes but I told myself don’t let my life tragedy stop me because the world will never stop for you”.

(Part 02/02)

– Humans of Kuala Lumpur

Photostory by Mushamir Mustafa

“I have always hated him because he left us to China when I was 3 years old.”

“My dad sees me as an investment. He wanted me to write a proposal about how much I’ll be spending for my degree and how many years I must pay him back for it. I screamed at him saying, “I’m not your investment and I’m not your shares!”. Then both of us got really upset.

So eventually, my mom paid for me because things were complicated. My parents got into a divorce eventually.

My dad used to be a very humble and hard-working man. They used to start a small business together. He was once in the “rags to riches” situation. But obviously money and business became his world so all my siblings, including myself, grew up in that environment. If it doesn’t earn money for the family, then why are you doing it? That has become the motto for them.

So, one day, he got into politics. He started treating us as if we didn’t exist anymore. He even got a position like a Dato’ or something so his ego grew even bigger.

Now, I don’t talk to my dad anymore. I have always hated him because he left us to China when I was 3 years old. He has his own business there. But last year he got into a coma. My mom had to support everything by herself. So, I thought, ‘If you didn’t want a family, why did you start one?’. I kind of hate him now but what can say? I know I shouldn’t hate my own father.

Last year, though, he got into a coma. His heartbeat stopped for like 2 minutes and then I started crying for him. It took me by surprise because I didn’t expect myself to have so much emotion for someone I haven’t seen in a long time. I can’t even call him papa or something like that. I still feel awkward if I meet him now.

But if I could change one thing about my childhood, I wish my family didn’t have a lot of money. I wish my dad never left Malaysia. I mean, yes, I appreciate all the privileges I had but maybe if he didn’t become rich, we would still be a happy family. And he wouldn’t become like this.

As for me, if I were to start a family someday, I’ll make sure I am capable of being with my family. I want to make sure I give them the life they deserve, the support, encouragement. Like being a complete family. Because to me, while divorce has become the norm, it does affect the children.

Now I think I hate money. These things happened to my family because of money. They got angry all the time, like if they don’t get money, it’s the end of the world for them”.

– Humans of Kuala Lumpur

Photostory by Mushamir Mustafa

“Saya memang tak tahu main alatan muzik, saya tahu membawa ia ke gereja saja.”

“Kerja saya adalah untuk menolong membawa gitar untuk Pastor di gereja.

Saya beragama Kristian. Sejak tahun 2009, saya percaya dalam agama Kristian sehingga sekarang. Ada beberapa hal yang sangat buruk berlaku, dan saya tidak diterima sebagai orang Islam. Tiba-tiba satu hari, satu Pastor dari negeri Europe menjumpai saya. Saya pun dibaptis.

Kerja saya, tak kira apa-apa hal, adalah untuk membawa gitar sahaja tiap-tiap hari. Saya memang tak tahu main alatan muzik, saya tahu membawa ia ke gereja saja. Sebelum ini saya telah bekerja di satu hotel di Kuala Lumpur. Sekarang, saya dah tak aktif membuat kerja lain. Kerja sambilan tak ada makna.

Kami tak boleh menasihati orang lain. Tuhan sudah memberi tanggungjawab yang berbeza untuk setiap individu masing-masing. Setiap orang akan ada cerita yang lain, tanggungjawab yang lain, tujuan yang lain. Apakah tujuan yang benar, adalah untuk setiap individu.

Masa dulu, saya ada keluarga. Keluarga saya sekarang di gereja. Tuhan saja yang tahu. Sekarang, saya bersyukur, kerana Pastor, orang gereja, dan Tuhan yang memberi saya keberanian untuk bercakap”.

– Humans of Kuala Lumpur

(His face has been blurred to protect his identity)

Photostory by Win Li and Syasya taken at the monthly HOKL photo hunt.
Edited by Mushamir Mustafa

“I have no SPM and I’m 19 years old. I’m working 2 jobs to support my parents because we’re a poor family.”

“I want to change people’s perspective that even 19-year olds can work too. I have no SPM and I’m 19 years old. I’m working 2 jobs to support my parents because we’re a poor family.

I was given the amanah (responsibility) to look after my family. What I earn with my salary, I guess it’s okay. But one job is not enough.

My mother does not know I’m working as a Foodpanda rider. Although I have another job at a shop selling handphones, I’m thinking of quitting it because I’m a little uncomfortable with previous cases where the staff in the shop had caused some problems.

The whole family from my mother’s side got a bad reputation because they knew I always go out at night. My mother did scold me but none of them knew I was working and therefore earning money.

They said, “Oh, Haiqal tu liar” (Oh, Haiqal is a wild one). But I’m not the type to show off what I was doing. Every time I received my salary, I’ll give my mother some money. “Nah, mak. Duit keras untuk mak” (Here, mom. It’s your pocket money).

During the day, my mother works as an author for lawmaking books. During the night, she bakes and sells cakes. My father is currently undergoing blood dialysis and he’s also working by himself. I also have an older brother who is OKU (Orang Kelainan Upaya/People with Different Abilities). But he’s working as a promoter.

I have to set an example for my other siblings, as told by my mother. All my aunties’ daughters looked upon my brother and I because we’re the only ones who are working. I also have three younger siblings. All of them are below the age of 14.

I think one of the most special gifts I gave to my parents were paying off for my mother’s car. I asked my father to keep it a secret because I wanted to volunteer and pay for the car instead. I paid for RM400 every month and once I thought ‘Oh, I should buy her a new car’. But for her, as long as the car holds up, she said she’ll continue using it.

My father is actually my stepfather. My biological father passed away when I was four years old. Now, I could only look at his old photos. Although my brother and I aren’t close with our stepfather, if there’s a problem, we could still sit down and discuss together. It’s just that my stepfather and I don’t really get along with each other at times.

If I want to marry someday, I hope to achieve two things. One, to have my own wealth and property and two, I want to give my family a more comfortable life to live.

For my 2020 resolution, I want to prove that young people can start working earlier in their lives. They see us 19, 20-year-old like those teenagers on Instagram having fun. But no, that’s untrue.

My friends once told me after I returned from work, “Jangan berlagak jadi manusia” (Don’t be so arrogant). I spent too much time working, instead of hanging out with them. But I knew if I join in, I would be like them.

I think people need to stop judging others from the outside. Focus more on what’s inside. Choose quality over quantity when it comes to choosing friends. I used to trust my friends more than my family, and that backfired at me.”

– Humans of Kuala Lumpur

Photostory by Mushamir Mustafa

“I guess my hardest decision I had to make was choosing either between sports or performing arts.”

“I nearly gave up on performing dances because I was pressured to do a lot of things by myself. But what made me feel proud performing in dance performances was receiving certificates and earning teachers’ recognition for all of your hard work.

One of the most embarrassing moments I ever experienced was when one of my friends blurted out ‘Eh, salah lah’ (oops, my mistake) when we were performing. We all wore an earpiece and a microphone, so the judges could hear us as well. In the end, we placed number 6 at the interschool Dance Competition.

I had been practising at Istana Budaya day and night, and it took up a lot of my money.

I guess my hardest decision I had to make was choosing either between sports or performing arts. I knew I had to choose one of them. I want to be able to do something relaxing and whenever I’m doing it, I need to feel somewhat at ease with it. Eventually, I chose performing arts over sports. I have never regretted my decision which was influenced by my passion.

There’s this prestigious school for performing arts and culture called ASWARA (Akademi Seni Budaya Dan Warisan Kebangsaan).

It has always been my dream to enter there, become a lecturer and study everything about performing arts and cultural performances so I can start my career in this field.

All my family have singing talents. My mother used to join me when I was dancing and singing in my room!

But now, she’s not working anymore. My father had an accident and he’s on paid medical leave. And next year, my grandmother is going to perform her umrah so, I definitely need to earn some money.

To me, if I have rezeki (sustenance), for my 2020 resolution I hope I can enter ASWARA.

I’m sure all of us have our own resolutions. If we managed to achieve our resolution, then alhamdulillah. If not, then you should just merge your new resolution together with previous ones.

But even then, we still won’t know what our future holds for us.”

– Humans of Kuala Lumpur

“Nurses put in the needles into the port under my skin to conduct chemotherapy.”

“My name is Staci Tan and I am 26 this year. I was 25 when I was diagnosed with Stage 3 colon cancer.

A few months into my job in a media agency as a media planner, I was sent for a medical check up where subsequently I was diagnosed.

The tumour was as big as my fist and it was removed alongside 27cm of my colon. I was in hospital for 10 days and took 6 weeks off work for recovery. This was in January 2016.

In March 2016, I started 12 cycles of chemotherapy every 2 weeks. I did not stop work because it was manageable.

Working actually helped me feel normal, because sitting at home just wasn’t doing me any good.

One week I would go for chemo and the second week I would go back to work.

The first week after chemo, for the first two days I would feel really tired and don’t feel like working but by the third day I actually felt like I could get the hang of it.

Work gave me a sense of normalcy and it helped me to recover.

This lasted till sept 2016. You will find a scar at my collarbone – this is the chemo port.

Nurses put in the needles into the port under my skin to conduct chemotherapy. I still have it with me till today; the doctor wants me to keep it up to five years, just in case.

Until I surgically remove it, I have to flush it at the hospital every 3 months.

I feel more normal every day, and sometimes forget about the cancer experiences I had to go through.

But I wouldn’t say I’ve moved on. It gets more infrequent but sometimes you just have a dilemma whether to push your limits or to hold back your ambitions.

I guess that’s the struggle for young cancer survivors. We’re too young to retire and have a lot of things that we still want to achieve but we’re afraid if pushing the limits will cause a relapse.

I find it kind of funny but I felt most blessed and lucky when I was diagnosed with cancer.

There were many things to be thankful about — being diagnosed before it spread further, having just enough insurance coverage for the treatment, meeting great doctors, having a good job, having supportive bosses and colleagues, family to take care of me, lovely friends to check on me and many more.

When my colleagues or friends hear of my cancer stories, they would say “you’re so strong”, and I always hesitate to reply because I think everyone has their own stories of being strong. Mine happens to be cancer.

For others, it may be depression, body image issue, or family affairs. We all have stories of strength in our own ways. Stay strong. You never know who you’re inspiring”.

– Humans of Kuala Lumpur went down and spoke with a trio of female cancer survivors from the National Cancer Society Malaysia. These are their stories.

Staci runs her own personal blog documenting her journey, visit it at https://kyension.com/category/sharestrength/

“So I had seven days to get my life together before my surgery – because it might spread and it is fatal.”

“My dream was to be a psychologist and to open a center and help underprivileged children develop socially and mentally. That’s why I studied developmental psychology all the way until PhD, until 3 years ago when I found out I had cancer. I was 27 years old.

Back then, I was a news anchor for ntv7, and hosted a successful web series and events, but as I was heading for a conference in China, I started getting diarrhea once a month which then became chronic for three weeks straight, whilst at full day events.

I went to see two doctors, and the medication I took didn’t help me at all. My dad then instructed me to go see a specialist so I went to see a gastroenterologist and he actually told me not to do a colonoscopy, but my dad insisted, and because of that we found a tumor in my colon.

So I had seven days to get my life together before my surgery – because it might spread and it is fatal.

When I woke up after the long procedure, I found that I had a colostomy bag, which is when your intestines are hanging out of your body and held in the bag, so your faeces and everything has to go through it. Turns out that the tumor was too close to the rectum.

They reversed the colostomy. I didn’t have to do chemo but the experience of the bag was a hard one. I couldn’t believe that it was happening.

The doctors couldn’t understand why either because I had no genetic history of it.

At the time I had a boyfriend. He actually cleans up the poo- since I don’t poo the normal way- and sometimes I can’t even control it and it’ll come out while he’s wiping it and he still did it.

He’s now my husband. He’s really supportive. We’ve been together about six years and when I had cancer it was our fourth year together.

But now my dream has changed, because I’ve had cancer. I came back to Malaysia to raise awareness. Now I want to help cancer patients and survivors – especially young ones. Young people with cancer are actually occurring more and more, so people need to be more aware of it.

It’s so unexpected for them and I want to help them move on with life.

A lot of young patients feel embarrassed about it, and never tell their friends. But they shouldn’t feel that way. They should take it as an experience, learn from it and move forward positively. I think that’s very important. After a while, I realized why should I be embarrassed about it? And that’s when I came out.

Just because they are young doesn’t mean they don’t face problems, and actually it’s because that they are young that they face more problems, as compared to elderly people who get cancer. It’s tougher for them to get a job, and they can never be covered by insurance ever again, so be prepared. It’s very important to get covered if you’re young financially. Early detection is important.

I know that when you are young, you wanna try and move on, you want to try and live a normal life. But I think you should try and understand and don’t keep it inside. If you wanna share or if you need support, come to our support groups”

– Humans of Kuala Lumpur went down and spoke with a trio of female cancer survivors from the National Cancer Society Malaysia. These are their stories.

Check out Mei Sze’s page at www.facebook.com/choomeisze/ and https://meisze.com/