Jubaidah Chan, a factory worker and single mother, received a CUCKOO massage chair as a birthday gift from her sons, never expecting it would also bring her the keys to a new home. As the grand prize winner of CUCKOO International’s 2024 ‘Beli CUCKOO Menang Kondo’ contest, Jubaidah is now the proud owner of a Grand Ion Majestic Serviced Apartment valued at over RM550,000.
Continue readingA Night of Musical Bliss: The Rose Dawn to Dusk Tour Takes Kuala Lumpur by Storm
The Rose Dawn to Dusk Tour Takes Kuala Lumpur by Storm
Continue reading“I’m the current President of the Mental Illness Awareness and Support Association (MIASA).”
I’m the current President of the Mental Illness Awareness and Support Association (MIASA). MIASA was officially recognised as an NGO in September 2017. What makes MIASA different is that we are a patient-led advocacy group. Hence, a majority of people who are in MIASA are patients themselves. When patients themselves speak up, this is when understanding happens, this is where you are going to get better support. Mental illness patients are not crazy, they are not dangerous, they are not violent, they are not lazy. These are all symptoms of the illness. Any illness must be treated – if not, how can you get better, right? With a place like MIASA, you start to realise, “there are so many other people that are like me that are struggling, that are going through this too.” When you see that, that’s when it gives you a sense of strength because you feel that you have a tribe.
“I decided to create MIASA due to my own struggles dealing with my Anxiety disorder. When I was first diagnosed 6 years ago, I didn’t know what mental illnesses were nor where to seek help from. I was career-minded, driven, a perfectionist, and I had a lot on my plate. However, I also wasn’t eating well, sleeping well, and I was juggling work and taking care of two little kids. I was working too hard, my stress levels were high. I was juggling everything without help. So one day, my body collapsed. When your body collapses, your mind collapses – I lost functionality when it happened.
Anxiousness, anxiety, worry, fear, panic – these are all normal emotions. You feel it, I feel it, everyone feels it, right? The difference between those emotions and a person who has an anxiety disorder, is that it’s an illness. When it’s a disorder it means that whatever anxiety, worry, fear that is felt – it is magnified and intensified. You multiply those feelings by 10. When you multiply it, you are not going to be able to function. That’s the difference between an anxious feeling, versus a person who has an Anxiety disorder. It cripples you.
With mental health conditions, you experience physical side effects too. So you have the anxiety, the worry – coupled with the manifestation into physical symptoms. You start having palpitations, your heart/chest tightens, difficulty breathing, you feel like suffocating, you have numbness in your toes, you feel like throwing up, you feel like going to the toilet. But what is horrifying about an anxiety attack experience is that you believe, in that instant, that you’re dying. This is when medication comes in as an aid. My psychiatrist prescribed me with Xanax, which is a benzodiazepine. When you take the medication, the palpitations you experience will slow down, the anxiousness will go away. After my Xanax prescription, I decided to start taking supplements instead. I started with Ashwagandha, which is an herb that works like a tonic to boost your energy. Something in the plant also helps to calm the nerves, so I’ve been told. My other doctor (gynaecologist) who I’ve known now for more than 10 years said I could take that in place of Xanax.
As I was going through my recovery period, my husband encouraged me to go public with my illness because this would help others. If we were to talk about how it was 5-6 years ago, there was not much awareness about mental health. Due to low mental health literacy, people would start to label, judge, and stigmatize. Although the stigma still does exist, there is a greater awareness of mental health today.
What people don’t realise is that taking care of your mental health is an everyday effort. It’s not something that you take care of today then the next 6 days you forget about it. There needs to be a constant effort, especially so if you have an illness.”
For me, I try to stick to my routine as much as possible. I have to make sure I eat on time, and get 6-8 hours of sleep. If I sleep for 6 hours instead of 8, then I will try to take nap in the afternoon. I try to rest as much as possible in between during the day – this is very important. Exercise also really needs to come into the routine. You have to make sure that you set aside time for yourself, as well as time to connect with others. For me, I spend time with my family members.
The theme for this year’s World Mental Health Day is suicide prevention. Suicide is everyone’s business, both here in Malaysia and globally. I personally have not experienced having suicidal thoughts, but I understand that suicidal thoughts can come from various reasons. One example is those who don’t see a way out from their mental illness. When you don’t see the way out, added with the excruciating pain of the illness, it will eventually lead you to thinking of ending your life. What people don’t understand about suicidal thoughts, is that they are intrusive. It’s not something you can say “don’t come”, “please go away”. Another thing that people don’t understand about suicidal thoughts is – it’s a build-up. It’s not like you get up in the morning and suddenly you’re suicidal. There are a lot of underlying issues that leads to it.
If someone comes up to you saying they are having suicidal thoughts, the first thing you should do is to not judge. Secondly, keep an open mind. If someone tells you that they are thinking of ending their life, you can ask them to tell you more, how you can help. Do not invalidate their feelings, because sometimes all they want is for you to hear them out. Don’t listen to judge, don’t listen to advice. Just be there. You must be very patient when you’re helping someone who is suicidal because they are stuck in a rut. It’s very important for you to do your job well. Not because they want to end their life or they are in a weak state, but because it’s a cry for help. We need to understand that they actually want help, not that they want to die. Telling someone that “you’re weak”, “snap out of it”, “try to think positive” – these don’t help. If they’re able to think positive, they would have thought positive already, right?
If you yourself are battling suicidal thoughts, you must know and understand that it can be treated. The suicidal thoughts that you have are not permanent. By getting the help and treatment that you need, they will pass. What I want a person who has suicidal thoughts to know is that we care for them, we love them, and they matter.
There are several places where we can seek help. All psychiatrists here must either be registered with the MOH, MOE, or MOHE. For the underprivileged who are seeking help, they are able to go to any government hospital. You can see a psychiatrist, get treatment and medication, for RM 5. Right now our government has initiated the mySalam insurance for the B40 group, and PeKa B40 for ages 50 and above for mental health screening as well. So they can go to any GP or any private clinics to get a mental health screening. From there, they can be referred to a psychiatrist at a government hospital if needed. Another option would be Mentari, which is a rehab centre for mental illness patients. Mentari has two branches, where people can walk in and do a mental health screening. They can also book an appointment to see a psychiatrist.
For us (MIASA), we are available Monday-Saturday. Anyone can walk in to see a psychiatrist or a spiritual healer. The solution we provide to the public is a holistic solution. It doesn’t matter what religion you are. We do peer support services here as well, so any patient who wants to come to see other patients, they can. We also have circle time once a month – where we sit together and talk about our issues, gain strength and tips from one another, to empower one another. We also offer counselling services. We do a lot of programmes, workshops, forums, as well as having a radio programme on IKIM.fm.
We also help patients with their livelihood as well. What a lot of people don’t know about people with mental health conditions is that they lose their jobs. They lose their jobs because their employers don’t understand their conditions. It’s very difficult to get an MC for a long period of time so that they can obtain treatment before returning to their workplace. And because there is a lack of knowledge among employers and employees, the working environment is not conducive for a person with mental illness. We provide reasonable accommodation for those with physical disabilities. For example, if a person is wheelchair-bound, we would give them a higher desk so that they are able to roll in their wheelchair, or provide a workstation that is closer to the toilet so it’s easier for them to access it. Mental illness on the other hand is not visible to the naked eye.
There is no law that protects mental illness patients. It’s more on a personal basis where you talk to your employer about it. The Person with Disabilities Act 2008 is catered more towards people with physical disabilities, not so much mental disability. Although the United Nations Conventions of Rights of Persons with Disabilities is ratified in Malaysia, it is not enforced.
What we as the public can do is to provide support. The biggest barrier to mental health in Malaysia is the stigma. I think it’s important for everyone to understand that all of us have a role to play, and we all must play our role well. If all of us think that mental illness is not our business, it becomes difficult to reduce the stigma. Instead of judging and labelling, let us understand that everyone struggles. If we are more empathetic and compassionate, I believe people with mental illnesses will be more open in sharing and conveying their struggles.
As we still lack mental health literacy, there is a growing need for psychoeducation in Malaysia. Families also need to provide support towards mental health patients. Not necessarily understanding it, because it’s difficult to understand when you are not going through it yourself. But we can provide support in other ways: accompanying them to see their psychiatrist, helping with house chores, bringing them food to eat, things like that.
We as a society, are partly to be blamed because we are very individualistic. We don’t really want to help. We judge, we label, sometimes our words are sharper than a double-edged sword. We contribute to people dying without realising it. Only when someone kills themselves we start to ponder why. Sometimes, there are even people blaming those who have already committed suicide.
The media has done a very good job in fighting the stigma and prejudice of various issues. When it comes to mental illnesses, I hope the media as a whole will portray the stories of people with mental illness through the depth and richness of their stories as human beings – not just as a diagnosis. The media has the power to challenge the stigma, but they can also contribute to it. Hence, we should all learn to use whatever platform we have responsibly. Otherwise, the stigma will continue.
Photostory by Maxy
Edited by Win Li
Photo by Kelly
“My psychiatrist was very receptive of my masterplan.”
I was in boarding school when I began having grand delusional optimistic thoughts about God calling for me in the Heaven. Like somehow my body would disintegrate on Earth and I’d beam myself up. I couldn’t keep my joy and shared it with my teacher. Then I ended in a hospital. We didn’t even wait for the ambulance. At age 15, I was diagnosed with Bipolar Type I.
My psychiatrist was very receptive of my masterplan. She asked how I’d imagine school and life be like if I was to live. When she told me that people don’t feel the way I feel about God; that I had to take medication to bring me back to the “normal” experience; I crumbled. Heaven can wait, she suggested, that maybe I should live the life I wanted first.
I believed her. But things didn’t go well beyond the psychiatrist room. People condemned me that I’d joined the cult and would go to Hell for not believing in the one true God but some other Gods I constructed in my head. It made me feel very unloved by certain parts of this community and God Himself. So I decided, if God hated me and put me through this, then I didn’t want Him anymore.
I put my faith aside for about 7 years. I went through the first 2 years without medication and I wasn’t well. I was very angry at the situation and not having control over myself. So I made an attempt for suicide. Then I thought about the headlines for the next day. I was going to be misrepresented anyway and I didn’t want that to happen. I stopped.
Alhamdullilah that God has then put the right people in my path. They help me regain trust in people, community and God again. I have yet to resolve all my internal conflicts but I can now stand on my own two feet. It’s time to pay forward the kindness.
Photostory and edited by Hui Wen
Photo by Aiman Mustafa
“I used to ask when can I recover from my Major Depressive Disorder and General Anxiety Disorder.”
“The incident in 2015 set a trigger. I began losing sleep. I threw up suddenly. I had frequent panic attacks. I couldn’t drive for months. But I decided to just ignore it, thinking I’d get better throughout the year. Which I did. Then they came haunting again last year but even severe. On Dec 21, I fell into the hole.
I was alone at home and got very anxious that early morning after a sleepless night, as usual, despite not sleeping the day before too. I thought I’d be more relaxed after performing my prayers at the surau and talking to my friends. I was desperate to calm myself, help me sleep, or just be gone. Nothing worked so I took the pills and began cutting myself.
I was found in time. I used to ask when can I recover from my Major Depressive Disorder and General Anxiety Disorder. It’s been three months. Then six. I tried to convince myself then I was, am and will be normal. Until I slowly began to accept that I’m unwell mentally and I’m unlike the norm. Upon joining MIASA I saw that many people, too, are struggling and trying to survive. I’m not alone in this.
When we talk about mental health, it’s easy for people to focus on just depression but it’s more than that. For some, it’s easy to claim themselves as having depression but it’s more than that. Please get a professional diagnosis before you claim it. Because to me, it’s really a dark place for you to be in, and I don’t want that. “
“The difference is, she is a Muslim while I’m Chinese”
“We both grew up in Kota Bharu, Kelantan and we’ve maintained a great friendship since we were 13. We both study in an all-girls school, hang out in the surau during recess and more or less are the class clowns. We also speak fluent Kelantanese to each other, even though we have moved to KL to work.
The difference is, she is a Muslim while I’m Chinese. I have bright red hair and tattoos while she is a conservative girl who dons the hijab. Whenever we walk together in shopping malls or have dinner after work, we received curious stares from passers-by.
She’s never judgmental and accepts me for who I am, and I do the same for her. I’d like to think that’s how 1Malaysia should be. We’re not just tolerant of each other, but we embrace and celebrate our differences.”
“I’m a dancer so my happiness is in dancing.”
“Health is my wealth”
“It is a symbol of strength”
“That is a long moustache”.
“Its a tradition that goes back to the 16th century, where all my male ancestors would keep a similar moustache. It is a symbol of strength. I’ve kept it for 15 years already, and I cut it sometimes when its really long – because if I hadn’t it would be much, much longer than it is now. And out of all the officers I’m the only with this so people usually say I’m the unique one”.
“This moustache is my source of pride, history and honour”.
“Everyone looked at me as if I was in denial, and I lost my friends and family because of that.”
[In character] I’m Raj Veerasamy, the Deputy state leader of the Selangor Malayan Indian Congress (MIC). It was a long and hard struggle to get to that point. My position is given by the community who truly place their trust in their leaders. It was a hard struggle accompanied by a swell of ground support, which put me just below the state leader of the MIC.
I believed during that time I was fighting for a new Malaya, a new federation without any interference of foreign governance. And I believed that every race that had been in Malaya were to be given equal opportunities, standings and rights, because they were all there at the same point of time. They were all brought up in Malaya in different ways as a result of the racial and cultural split made by the foreign governments so I think it is in the best interest of the people of Malaya that this new federation looks at everyone from similar standing, at the very start.
As for my love life, it has been two years since my wife’s passing, which ultimately led me to dive deeper into my work. That is all I can think about. I have been working closely with this Times journalist who came from London. I thought she was a male at first because of her initials, ‘S.I.D Abraham’. But all of that changed as soon as I met her, with this whole swell of emotions coming out of me. I wondered to myself, “Who is this? I’ve never seen this beauty before.” And we did share a moment for a while there. She is very different from everyone else I’ve met. And she slowly, yet persistently gained my trust and confidence until I finally let go, opening my heart, which I have been locking up for so long. All because I thought I finally found someone who knows and understands my struggle and she is putting her career at stake just for me. This made me fall in love with her. And for that, I tried to give her everything.
But being an Indian in Malaya and having a relationship with a foreigner creates this stigma of, “Why, is there no one else here that good enough for you?”
Someone even said to me that I was a freedom fighter who was supposed to fight for independence and yet I gave all of that away by having a relationship with a white woman – a person whose country I was expected to fight against. Everyone looked at me as if I was in denial, and I lost my friends and family because of that. But I didn’t care because at the end of the day what I wanted was her and I love her. I made a lot of sacrifices just to be with her. Although in the end, she penned a goodbye letter to me, in the middle of my speech at Padang Merdeka. I then decided that I did not want this anymore, because of everything that has already happened. Whether or not I’m here, it’s not going to make a big difference. So, I let all of this go and went after my dream, which was to be with Sylvia. But sadly, it was too late. When I said goodbye to Kuala Lumpur, she too waved her goodbye at me and left for London.
MALAYA RELIVED
The second installment of Liver & Lung of immersive musical series, which seeks to unveil the cultural challenges our ancestors had to overcome in their fight for Malayan independence.
Edited by Sydrah M.